“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.” – Wayne Dyer
Lately, my cross-cultural married clients have been struggling with compatibility issues and tempers have been flying. So, I’ve been reading a lot about how people struggle with anger issues. More often the anger people are feeling is towards people they deeply love – we’ve all been guilty of it haven’t we? Through my research, I found this parable, and I love the explanation of the reason why people shout in anger, see what you think…
A Hindu saint was visiting the River Ganges to take a bath and found a group of family members on the riverbank, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked. “Why do people shout at each other when they are angry?” The disciples thought for a while, then one of them said, “Because when we lose our calm, we shout.” But, why would you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can just as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner,’ asked the saint. The disciples gave some other answers but none of them were satisfactory to the rest of the group.
Finally the saint explained; “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small.”
The saint continued, “When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak; only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally, they need not even whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all they need to do. That is how close two people are when they love each other.” He looked at his disciples and said, “So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant. Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.”
A good way to release anger is deep breaths, counting to 10… slowly and writing about it in a journal. Write down everything that is upsetting you and most importantly why. Of course we know when we’re angry but do we really know why – more often it is because a need you have is not being met, find that need and you can resolve your anger. You can also explain it to the person you were angry with so they know what your need is and hopefully can fulfill it in the future.
It can be as easy as needing to feel connected with a simple text between you and your partner. Also, when you know who your dominant “Impostor” is, your communication is cleaner and honest and you will not get yourself into situations where anger is sparked frequently.
Contributor’s Website: Soul Blazing
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